The edge of being happy for so long yet super stress has led me to the edge of oh feck it’s happening again. Sadness , is lurking I can feel it internally. The feeling I get before , I break down. I’ve been neglecting my own inner child, as I physically fill her with sugar and smoke her out with cigarettes. As I send her broke by spending countless of money thinking I’m rewarding to spoil her, in reality I’m keeping my inner child quiet, ignoring her cries for help from all this stress. Compressing it into a box once again, hoping I never have to deal with it. Unfortunately, it’s an on going cycle , a cycle in which I’ve used to survive. Yet, some choices have led me to this edge before I breakdown. A cry is good , sleep is needed and so is self love for that inner child of mine. She’s calling for help, hoping I’d listen … only time will tell . Every sunset is different, as tomorrow is a different day . Hopefully, tomorrow I wake up feeling refreshed and all this worry from stress is relieved, so my inner child can be at ease.
Looking at the periodic table the symbol K is for Potassium , a key element that majority of our Green plants love. To keep a plant bold and beautiful, it needs one of the key ingredients, Potassium.
Why else does your plant need Potassium?
🪴 Helps the chemical and metabolically process
🪴 Assists in photosynthesis
🪴 Generates chlorophyll
🪴 Regulated movement of water amongst cells
For the love of our plants babies, have you looked at your plants and asked them how they are, they may not talk back but they may have symptoms of a potassium deficiency.
A plant will tell you if needs potassium by;
🪴 You’re vegetables and fruits are not ripening.
🪴 The leaves at the bottom half of them plant are turning yellow
🪴 The growth of your plant have slowed or even stopped.
A way to feed your plant Potassium?
Avoiding chemical fertilisers, your plant will eat up the Potassium in banana peel. So rather than throwing out you banana peel , give it to your Potassium loving plants.
What can do you with banana peel?
🍌 Banana Peel Tea
🍌 Banana Peel powder
🍌 Compost it
🍌 Apply it directly into the soil by cutting it into pieces.
Do it Yourself – Banana Peel Tea
All you need is banana peel straight off your bananas, place that peel in a jar of water with a lid. Keep it in for 7 days. Remove the peel from the jar with the tea, and tip it at the base of your plant.
It depends on the plant on how much you need to feed it potassium, it also depends on the season and the environment your plant is living in.
Have you ever looked at someone else’s family and thought wow they are so beautiful? Just the way they seem to work together, be together and just love each other. If you missed out on that with your own family then you’d know it felt for me seeing a beautiful family. JEALOUS yet the sad kind, the feeling you get when you feel tears come from your own heart. The worst part is the flashbacks from growing up as the imposter, the one who didn’t fit in. The one who felt left out of all three families. Mums side, dads side and the step dads side.
I can see where my partners beautiful nature comes from, and standing back and watching him be with his family makes me smile, makes my heart melt. It’s wonderful, they don’t judge you on your appearance or the choices you make, they still laugh with you, comfort you and support you. I see where my partner got those traits from.
Personally I am scared of the unknown, I’m not use to this. For me growing up and now I feel that I missed out on what my partner has. As I watch what he has and think about what I’m use to I realize that hiding in a bedroom, crying and writing about it isn’t going to solve anything. Maybe, should tell him why I get so overwhelmed and have to be alone. In which I’m use to doing things on my own & this beautiful family do it together. I’m still learning as a adult.
I just want to get a pen and paper and write… I mean who really wants to hear my random racing thoughts? Most of the time I don’t even want to think about the thoughts cause there is no importance behind it. I mean yes I am easily amused, I like to analyse and problems solve and I like to find a way to make a negative situation positive. But being an over thinker can be extremely tiring for me, I find it hard work. I also find it comes in handy especially working in an industry where attention to detail is highly important.
I have realized that when my brain is trying to process alot, I struggle to find something to blog about. So many things inspire me, I don’t just have one Hobbie, I have many, I just don’t have a few ideas, I have heaps and trying to mold it all into one is was I aim to do on here. As I find having this blog actually helps me with over thinking and expressing.
Re Wiring the Brain
I’m no mental health genius but I do have experience, which I enjoy sharing with my followers, friends & family, hoping to enlighten them. I did overall 18months of Dialectical Behavior Therapy(DBT) & that I do recommend!
Majority of the time we view over thinking as some what negative, but imagine if you had the ability to re wire your brain into making the situation positive, or just looking at it positively. PROBLEM SOLVING. Belive me when I say this skill does not happen over night and can enable one to become physically and mentally exhausted, however it has worked for me.
If you managed to get to the bottom of this post and you have questions feel free to ask, I’ll answer the best I can.
What makes you feel at peace? What do you feel connected to? What is your high power?
I’ve been wanting to make a post about what I believe is my higher power, what brings peace to my inner self. No, it’s not God, although I believe myself to be quite spiritual. My high power is known as nature. Our plants.
Near my house there is a nursery, on my days off I take go on my lonesome and sit within, with the plants.
Imagine.. Imagine a box can be any size, it fits all of your current aches, stresses and problems, it’s heavy so heavy. There there is you feeling weak, tired, stressed and exhausted. But without giving up and walking about you try to move this box, you push, you pull, you lean up against realising it’s way too much for you. So, you ask for help, think safety first, psychological safety and well can be physical too.. You are not weak for asking for help, instead you feel supported. One person may help you, may give you resources and ways to make this box lighter or maybe more than one person..
Sometimes it’s about the journey more so the destination, they come hand in hand. I’ll let you work that one out..
So back to the box, people have come to help, it becomes an easier experience for you.. You start to feel lighter and you roll with it. The box may just disappear. I find the box becomes lighter and the little things haven’t piled up again.
Let’s talk about bad days, you may start off by feeling like you are the only one having the worst day and it can start off when you first wake in the morning. You’ve found previously the day would get better but this one bad thing ends up leaving you with a bad day where you feel nothing is going right. Of course you think you are the only one..
But let’s face it you are not the only one having a bad day, the one who speaks to you with frustration may also be dealing with something personally, the ones around you may not be having plans go the way they expected them to go and you start to realise it’s definitely not just you.
Well, I woke up feeling tired and not satisfied with the amount of sleep I got. I went to work not realising the roster was different to usual and some had to set up early so there I was freaking out that I was late and the keys weren’t in there usual spot. I was able to seek reassurance from a co worker that it was fine. Minf you on the way to work I had forgotten my UHF, so I had to turn around to go home. I’m also sensitive to the tones of peoples voices so that didnt help, especially when they became frustrated.
My tea fell off the barrier when it was moved but the person replaced it for me. Didn’t have to but I appreciated it.
If you are having a bad day try and remember you may not be the only one..
Day 8 of 2021 and I’m just starting to set goals for the year, I really wanted to write them down but I’ve chosen to blog them. DAY EIGHT and I’m just sorting out my new years resolution, possibly a bit late and do people usually share them with others?
New Years Resolution One.
I have decided to go completely sober. I’m doing this for my health, I was never a huge alcohol drinker however since moving out of home I drank a little more than normal. Since being sick in hospital with pancreaitis and gallstones I have decided to cease alcohol. It’s going to be hard as I recently started to drink for the reason of me being sad but I know I am better than that. As a recovering drug addict who is 9 months and 23 days clean I somehow managed to believe alcohol was going to make me happy, instead it was one of many reasons of ended up in hospital, so that’s why I’ve decided to accept this challenge. If I have to go back to my support groups I will.
New Years Resolution Two
Start trauma counselling. Uhm yeah that’s going to be super hard and very emotional.
New Years Resolution Three
Start getting up every morning in my days off work and start walking. Ever since being in hospital I have come to terms on how good walking is good for me and I need to stop being lazy
I will make sure I keep up with my blogging, which may end up being journal entries, hope you don’t mind. Might gain a little insp for yourselves.