The darkness

Im at that stage in life where I find sitting in the dark peaceful. Allowing my self to practice mindfulness, the running of the engine is off. The lights are off , here I sit with the stairs and the sugar cane . Away from the mess of mine room, away from drama and away from other people. Sipping on My ice coffee, inhaling that tobacco and listening to sad tunes.

I love my job but sometimes it can be very challenging for me. I haven’t been able to have a quiet time to myself for a while, not only is brain cluttered but so is my room. I go from having a stressful day , phone calls with the boss to back home when my grandfather is in my face stressing about the neglect I have done to myself. So here I sit in the darkness on a job site and hr before shift meditating. Trying to bring myself back to earth. Grounding.

This week my best friend lost her cat, and im so sad about that. That cat mesmt alot to me too. I’ve cried like four times. My uncles dad died and I have his funeral tomorrow 😢 I remember when I was younger my mum would take me to his farm for lunch he was a good bloke and has raised a wonderful son. As for the cat name lulu I had to break the news to my neice as it was to hard for her mum.

I’m so thankful for the ppl I work with checking in on me cause without their support I’d be under my doonah pretending I don’t exist.

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Working near Brisbane River

Working near Brisbane River

K is for Potassium

Looking at the periodic table the symbol K is for Potassium , a key element that majority of our Green plants love. To keep a plant bold and beautiful, it needs one of the key ingredients, Potassium.

Why else does your plant need Potassium?

🪴 Helps the chemical and metabolically process

🪴 Assists in photosynthesis

🪴 Generates chlorophyll

🪴 Regulated movement of water amongst cells

For the love of our plants babies, have you looked at your plants and asked them how they are, they may not talk back but they may have symptoms of a potassium deficiency.

A plant will tell you if needs potassium by;

🪴 You’re vegetables and fruits are not ripening.

🪴 The leaves at the bottom half of them plant are turning yellow

🪴 The growth of your plant have slowed or even stopped.

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This Alocasia is a potassium loving plant, leaves have been turning dark purple and drooping. Another sign of potassium and magnesium deficiency.

A way to feed your plant Potassium?

Avoiding chemical fertilisers, your plant will eat up the Potassium in banana peel. So rather than throwing out you banana peel , give it to your Potassium loving plants.

What can do you with banana peel?

🍌 Banana Peel Tea

🍌 Banana Peel powder

🍌 Compost it

🍌 Apply it directly into the soil by cutting it into pieces.

Do it Yourself – Banana Peel Tea

All you need is banana peel straight off your bananas, place that peel in a jar of water with a lid. Keep it in for 7 days. Remove the peel from the jar with the tea, and tip it at the base of your plant.

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Key note

It depends on the plant on how much you need to feed it potassium, it also depends on the season and the environment your plant is living in.

A girl

A girl with a fragile heart, never actually heals, she just tries to survive.

Out of the walls, she sits with nature, as she let’s her higher power communicate with her.

From sunset to sunrise, she hopes it’s not all pain, but how does one mend when trauma is all they’ve known.

Imposter – part 1

Have you ever looked at someone else’s family and thought wow they are so beautiful? Just the way they seem to work together, be together and just love each other. If you missed out on that with your own family then you’d know it felt for me seeing a beautiful family. JEALOUS yet the sad kind, the feeling you get when you feel tears come from your own heart. The worst part is the flashbacks from growing up as the imposter, the one who didn’t fit in. The one who felt left out of all three families. Mums side, dads side and the step dads side.

I can see where my partners beautiful nature comes from, and standing back and watching him be with his family makes me smile, makes my heart melt. It’s wonderful, they don’t judge you on your appearance or the choices you make, they still laugh with you, comfort you and support you. I see where my partner got those traits from.

Personally I am scared of the unknown, I’m not use to this. For me growing up and now I feel that I missed out on what my partner has. As I watch what he has and think about what I’m use to I realize that hiding in a bedroom, crying and writing about it isn’t going to solve anything. Maybe, should tell him why I get so overwhelmed and have to be alone. In which I’m use to doing things on my own & this beautiful family do it together. I’m still learning as a adult.

Over thinking

I just want to get a pen and paper and write… I mean who really wants to hear my random racing thoughts? Most of the time I don’t even want to think about the thoughts cause there is no importance behind it. I mean yes I am easily amused, I like to analyse and problems solve and I like to find a way to make a negative situation positive. But being an over thinker can be extremely tiring for me, I find it hard work. I also find it comes in handy especially working in an industry where attention to detail is highly important.

I have realized that when my brain is trying to process alot, I struggle to find something to blog about. So many things inspire me, I don’t just have one Hobbie, I have many, I just don’t have a few ideas, I have heaps and trying to mold it all into one is was I aim to do on here. As I find having this blog actually helps me with over thinking and expressing.

Re Wiring the Brain

I’m no mental health genius but I do have experience, which I enjoy sharing with my followers, friends & family, hoping to enlighten them. I did overall 18months of Dialectical Behavior Therapy(DBT) & that I do recommend!

Majority of the time we view over thinking as some what negative, but imagine if you had the ability to re wire your brain into making the situation positive, or just looking at it positively. PROBLEM SOLVING. Belive me when I say this skill does not happen over night and can enable one to become physically and mentally exhausted, however it has worked for me.

What if?

If you managed to get to the bottom of this post and you have questions feel free to ask, I’ll answer the best I can.

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High Power

What makes you feel at peace? What do you feel connected to? What is your high power?

I’ve been wanting to make a post about what I believe is my higher power, what brings peace to my inner self. No, it’s not God, although I believe myself to be quite spiritual. My high power is known as nature. Our plants.

I honestly could not tell you the name of most plants or how to look after them but I can tell you that they make me feel grounded & connected. I can breathe more, I can smile and relax. I can think about my goals and remind myself of positive affirmations, to keep me going in life.

Near my house there is a nursery, on my days off I take go on my lonesome and sit within, with the plants.

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“We plant a garden as we believe in tomorrow.”

A memory of who was once a student..

Let me take you back to the year (1887) when this school was first opened and sadly closed in 2009. Once was a child’s place for education and learning, is now a student’s memory. I personally didn’t start my studies at this school but I do remember sitting in the back seat of my mothers car in my early years, driving past.

As a child I always wondered what the school looked like as it was well hidden between houses. To enter was a nature walk over a creek, through trees and over a field. To me it was a mystery school and adventure school.

The school has been up for sale for a couple of years now as it was being used for a local community group, however it sits, ghostly and Unused. Unless you are an urbex Explorer or a street artist, then this school may have been used by you to create.

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Let’s talk about bad days

Let’s talk about bad days, you may start off by feeling like you are the only one having the worst day and it can start off when you first wake in the morning. You’ve found previously the day would get better but this one bad thing ends up leaving you with a bad day where you feel nothing is going right. Of course you think you are the only one..

But let’s face it you are not the only one having a bad day, the one who speaks to you with frustration may also be dealing with something personally, the ones around you may not be having plans go the way they expected them to go and you start to realise it’s definitely not just you.

Personal experience

Well, I woke up feeling tired and not satisfied with the amount of sleep I got. I went to work not realising the roster was different to usual and some had to set up early so there I was freaking out that I was late and the keys weren’t in there usual spot. I was able to seek reassurance from a co worker that it was fine. Minf you on the way to work I had forgotten my UHF, so I had to turn around to go home. I’m also sensitive to the tones of peoples voices so that didnt help, especially when they became frustrated.

My tea fell off the barrier when it was moved but the person replaced it for me. Didn’t have to but I appreciated it.

I work in civil construction.

Reminder

If you are having a bad day try and remember you may not be the only one..

Note for recovery

When you wake up and smell the rose it’s puts your brain in some other dimension. Mindfulness. It allows you to sit back and smile. This week the universe gave us a test that brought on alot of stress, stress we were not prepared for. But we are still surviving and you know not what I am pretty much thankful for the way my partner has been helping me out during my time of ‘survive’ and ‘recovery’. I know the poor me card was drawn a few times by me, which I apologise for cause it’s embarrassing to look back at. But wholy fuck my partner still gets up and goes to work, comes home and gets dinner ready, we have clean clothes and towels cause he washed them all and he is still able to make sure I am okay in my recovery. I mean that’s alot to do on your own whilst the other one is not well and fit. I guess what I am trying to say is, I love the things he is doing to support me during this time for the both of us. One day if I never had to do the same for him I’d do it too because I love him. ❤️🌻 & I am so grateful to have him in my life.