A girl

A girl with a fragile heart, never actually heals, she just tries to survive.

Out of the walls, she sits with nature, as she let’s her higher power communicate with her.

From sunset to sunrise, she hopes it’s not all pain, but how does one mend when trauma is all they’ve known.

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Over thinking

I just want to get a pen and paper and write… I mean who really wants to hear my random racing thoughts? Most of the time I don’t even want to think about the thoughts cause there is no importance behind it. I mean yes I am easily amused, I like to analyse and problems solve and I like to find a way to make a negative situation positive. But being an over thinker can be extremely tiring for me, I find it hard work. I also find it comes in handy especially working in an industry where attention to detail is highly important.

I have realized that when my brain is trying to process alot, I struggle to find something to blog about. So many things inspire me, I don’t just have one Hobbie, I have many, I just don’t have a few ideas, I have heaps and trying to mold it all into one is was I aim to do on here. As I find having this blog actually helps me with over thinking and expressing.

Re Wiring the Brain

I’m no mental health genius but I do have experience, which I enjoy sharing with my followers, friends & family, hoping to enlighten them. I did overall 18months of Dialectical Behavior Therapy(DBT) & that I do recommend!

Majority of the time we view over thinking as some what negative, but imagine if you had the ability to re wire your brain into making the situation positive, or just looking at it positively. PROBLEM SOLVING. Belive me when I say this skill does not happen over night and can enable one to become physically and mentally exhausted, however it has worked for me.

What if?

If you managed to get to the bottom of this post and you have questions feel free to ask, I’ll answer the best I can.

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Manual handling… The weight

Imagine.. Imagine a box can be any size, it fits all of your current aches, stresses and problems, it’s heavy so heavy. There there is you feeling weak, tired, stressed and exhausted. But without giving up and walking about you try to move this box, you push, you pull, you lean up against realising it’s way too much for you. So, you ask for help, think safety first, psychological safety and well can be physical too.. You are not weak for asking for help, instead you feel supported. One person may help you, may give you resources and ways to make this box lighter or maybe more than one person..

Sometimes it’s about the journey more so the destination, they come hand in hand. I’ll let you work that one out..

So back to the box, people have come to help, it becomes an easier experience for you.. You start to feel lighter and you roll with it. The box may just disappear. I find the box becomes lighter and the little things haven’t piled up again.

Let’s talk about bad days

Let’s talk about bad days, you may start off by feeling like you are the only one having the worst day and it can start off when you first wake in the morning. You’ve found previously the day would get better but this one bad thing ends up leaving you with a bad day where you feel nothing is going right. Of course you think you are the only one..

But let’s face it you are not the only one having a bad day, the one who speaks to you with frustration may also be dealing with something personally, the ones around you may not be having plans go the way they expected them to go and you start to realise it’s definitely not just you.

Personal experience

Well, I woke up feeling tired and not satisfied with the amount of sleep I got. I went to work not realising the roster was different to usual and some had to set up early so there I was freaking out that I was late and the keys weren’t in there usual spot. I was able to seek reassurance from a co worker that it was fine. Minf you on the way to work I had forgotten my UHF, so I had to turn around to go home. I’m also sensitive to the tones of peoples voices so that didnt help, especially when they became frustrated.

My tea fell off the barrier when it was moved but the person replaced it for me. Didn’t have to but I appreciated it.

I work in civil construction.

Reminder

If you are having a bad day try and remember you may not be the only one..

Day four

It’s peaceful, I feel at peace with being in hospital. I’ve developed a routine to help with my mental health. I get up and do a few laps of the ward, read the information on the wall. Look at the nurses/doctor pet wall everytime and smile. For the love of animals it’s my favourite wall.

I’m in the green ward my grandmothers, my partners and mums favourite colour, also the colour of nature. No ones asked me questions or given me topic to write about but I’m starting to feel a sense of brain power again. I’m very lucky to be getting better and to be classed as Independent here. I feel sorry for the elderly who can’t get up to go to the toilet, brings back memeries of when grandma was sick. I honestly have no idea how she was able to still hold on to her inner strength, but she’s taught me something and so has my grandfather.

Pa taught me, “if you don’t need strong pain killers, then you don’t need strong pain killers. Get use to the random aches if you are able to manage…” sometimes as much as the elderly ways annoyed me I believe they have helped me to survive this sickness.

You are all probably wondering what sickness I am on about..

I’m 28, I have acute pancreaitis and a few gallstones. I’ll be going into surgery to have my gallbladder removed.

The nurses here are great and I do let them know I suffer severe anxiety so bare with me…

The butterfly Story

Have you ever heard the story about the butterflies? The ones kept in a cage, they were safe from danger and harm, the were protected from the outside world. They were well fed and looked after.

One day one someone left the lock on the cage unlocked, and there was an opening to leave, all except one butterfly stayed. The ones who stayed looked puzzled and never understood why that one butterfly wanted to leave an environment where they felt safe and looked after. They asked, “Why would you leave when it’s safer in here…?”

That one butterfly replied with., “because I’m free.”

I know these arnt butterfly wings.

If you have a chance think about it, how did you interpret this story? Did make you think about something in your life right now or something in the past? What is freedom to you?

Adapt

How do you cope with change? Does the word make you cringe? We go through change from the day we were born, however it’s not easy for some of us. We cant avoid it, if the change is made to be positive and exciting, you may find yourself curious yet your nerves or anxiety may be triggered.

During this time of age it’s okay to feel the way you are feeling, do the best you can do to adapt to the change. For me, I’ve recently moved away from home and wow my anxiety is high. So I’m learning to adapt.

Right now I am having some down time, tears and relaxing music, I’ll have a cup of tear. I’ve put unpacking to the side for a while because I need a break. Taking a step back, to breathe or meditate when anxiety us high is recommended.

Other ideas to adjust/adapt…

Create a safe place in your home where you can relax and take a break. Write your thoughts down or start a blog. Have a shower or bath. Warm drinks help me. Paint or draw. Put in relaxing music. Create some form of routine. Read. Have time to your self. Be with nature. Cuddle someone you love.

Take a step back and observe the situation. Think of strategies to handle that is positive. Remind yourself that you need to accept the things you can not change, but you can adapt.

Think about it

Are you stressed, overwhelmed or is it anxiety? What is your current situation that may have brought these feelings on? How can you respond positively to reduce “explosion” (making things worse)

Personal

So I suffer from a personality disorder, and I’ve started a new job which can be quite stressful. I was overwhelmed and my eyes were watering but I kept breathing, when I’m overwhelmed anxiety hangs around and I had to ask for help and that is okay. Remind yourself asking for help does not mean you can’t do your job. It does not mean you are weak, we are not perfect. Usually I would avoid work for a few days after a stressful situation but not this time, Im going back tomorrow because I like to remind myself that tomorrow is a different day.

Remind

Breathe, take a step back and evaluate the situation, the chain of events, put in place strategies that have previously worked or something you’d like to try that may help you, accept you are doing the best you can, there will be support around you just ask, praise yourself about what you have achieved to get through this.