Inner child is calling

The edge of being happy for so long yet super stress has led me to the edge of oh feck it’s happening again. Sadness , is lurking I can feel it internally. The feeling I get before , I break down. I’ve been neglecting my own inner child, as I physically fill her with sugar and smoke her out with cigarettes. As I send her broke by spending countless of money thinking I’m rewarding to spoil her, in reality I’m keeping my inner child quiet, ignoring her cries for help from all this stress. Compressing it into a box once again, hoping I never have to deal with it. Unfortunately, it’s an on going cycle , a cycle in which I’ve used to survive. Yet, some choices have led me to this edge before I breakdown.
A cry is good , sleep is needed and so is self love for that inner child of mine. She’s calling for help, hoping I’d listen … only time will tell .
Every sunset is different, as tomorrow is a different day . Hopefully, tomorrow I wake up feeling refreshed and all this worry from stress is relieved, so my inner child can be at ease.

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A girl

A girl with a fragile heart, never actually heals, she just tries to survive.

Out of the walls, she sits with nature, as she let’s her higher power communicate with her.

From sunset to sunrise, she hopes it’s not all pain, but how does one mend when trauma is all they’ve known.

Imposter – part 1

Have you ever looked at someone else’s family and thought wow they are so beautiful? Just the way they seem to work together, be together and just love each other. If you missed out on that with your own family then you’d know it felt for me seeing a beautiful family. JEALOUS yet the sad kind, the feeling you get when you feel tears come from your own heart. The worst part is the flashbacks from growing up as the imposter, the one who didn’t fit in. The one who felt left out of all three families. Mums side, dads side and the step dads side.

I can see where my partners beautiful nature comes from, and standing back and watching him be with his family makes me smile, makes my heart melt. It’s wonderful, they don’t judge you on your appearance or the choices you make, they still laugh with you, comfort you and support you. I see where my partner got those traits from.

Personally I am scared of the unknown, I’m not use to this. For me growing up and now I feel that I missed out on what my partner has. As I watch what he has and think about what I’m use to I realize that hiding in a bedroom, crying and writing about it isn’t going to solve anything. Maybe, should tell him why I get so overwhelmed and have to be alone. In which I’m use to doing things on my own & this beautiful family do it together. I’m still learning as a adult.